“I believe in people having the chance to pay for what they’ve done, but also to turn their lives around and make things better”
Comedian and actor Mark O’Sullivan was sexually abused as a child for years by a member of his extended family. In his 30s, he reported the abuse to the police and, following a court case, the perpetrator was convicted and jailed.
Now, he works to support the work of organisations such as Circles UK, alongside the NSPCC and others, as part of his efforts to stop sexual abuse. He’s also explored his experience in ‘My Sexual Abuse: the Sitcom’ – a documentary aired on Channel 4 for which he and the production team won a prestigious award.
This week, he presented at the annual residential Forum of Circles Provider Co-ordinators, sharing his story and why he has made the decision to support organisations such as ours.
In his presentation, Mark described his experience of being abused by someone close to him, who has now died. He says that his biggest reaction to his passing was that he’d never get the apology that “was probably never coming anyway”, and that “I don’t hate him, I hate what he did to me.”
Mark shared the sequence of events that led to his disclosure to the police, which ultimately came from learning that there had been another victim harmed by his abuser.
He says: “I believe in the criminal justice system.
“I believe in people having the chance to pay for what they’ve done, but also to turn their lives around and make things better.”
On Circles UK, he said: “I cannot tell you how relieved I was to find out you existed.
“Because it had always occurred to me, even in my angriest moments as a victim, that the way we as a society and many other societies treat perpetrators, people who have these feelings and urges, is completely counterproductive.”
“It [societal behaviour] was just pushing people further into the darkness. Into more isolation and more likely to turn to behaviours, than they would be if there was some support out there.
Mark also explained his hopes for core members engaged in Circles:
“I hope core members take responsibility for what they’ve done.
“I hope they acknowledge what they’ve done and what it really means. I hope that they understand the effects of what they’ve done.
“I hope they understand how it changes lives, how it destroys some lives, how it makes some people feel they can’t live, they can’t keep going.
“I hope sometimes the core member says sorry.
“I hope there’s somehow a mechanism for them to say sorry in some way to their victim
“I don’t need a constant apology, because I believe in the criminal justice system and I believe that part of that is, you receive a sentence, you serve that sentence and you have paid your price at that point. But I need some acknowledgement of the sentence I’m serving as well from perpetrators, from core members.”
He went on to explain what he hopes core members receive from our Circles teams of Volunteers:
“I hope there is support and respect and encouragement from you, and I’m certain that’s exactly what they get. I can’t image how isolating being a core member and being a person that has had those feeling and acted upon them is.
“I hope there is celebration with them of success when things are going well.
“I hope there’s continued support when someone slips.
“I hope that when things don’t go to plan, when someone slips, that that isn’t the end for them, that there’s a way back from that.
“I hope that they know they have a right to live a life that’s as fulfilling as it can be, because that’s what I want for them.
“I hope that you brilliant people never give up on them for as long as they’re serious about stopping their offending behaviour.”